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One of the most successful advertising campaigns is Nike’s “Just do it.” It works for selling sneakers. It doesn’t work for overcoming sex addiction. Anything – reading, eating, exercising, working, talking – can be used addictively. About 20 years ago I helped a woman who went to sleep whenever she felt stressed out. She’d spend days in bed, then wake up suffering a sleep addiction hangover. She couldn’t overcome her addiction by “just doing it.” In the world of addiction, “Just do it” can be an excuse to act addictively. The most common form of sex addiction is masturbation with pornography. When the sexually addicted person is bored, lonely, angry, frustrated, depressed, whatever – he uses masturbation with porn to quickly make him feel good and forget. He “just does it.” Most sexually addicted people eventually realize that using sex as a quick fix doesn’t work. As the addiction takes its toll year after year, they become desperate to stop, but can’t. They’re trapped because their attempts to stop are based on mistaken ideas.

One reason they don’t overcome sex addiction is they believe, or are told, “If you want to stop, just do it.” To overcome sex addiction, reality needs to be perceived as something to face, not escape from. It takes time for someone addicted to sex to build a strong desire to face reality. There is no quick fix. You can’t “Just do it.” But you can work it carefully and realistically. The reward is the profound, long lasting pleasure of building a good life in the real world.

A competent counselor does not advise, “Just do it.” The experienced, knowledgeable counselor is a good mirror. By mirroring you back to yourself and mirroring reality to you, he enables you to understand what changes you need to make. Then, the counselor advises you on how to make the changes. He does not rush or push. “Just do it” is pushy and unprofessional. Partners of sexually addicted people will ask me, “What is so appealing about sex addiction?”

It’s a good question because the partner realizes that overcoming sex addiction takes more than just a quick fix. Sex addiction is appealing because it is fantasy based. For the sexually addicted person who has not overcome his addiction, fantasy seems safer and more rewarding than reality. The safety of fantasy and the sexual pleasure it offers are the intoxicants of sex addiction.

A quick fix like “Just do it” doesn’t correct the underlying fantasy issues of sex addiction. Ironically, “Just do it” wastes time. Addicted people lose years trying to “Just do it” until they realize there is no quick fix. Had they approached their addiction correctly, they could have overcome it in less time than they wasted on trying to “Just do it.”

The sexually addicted person is not stuck in a hopeless world of fantasy-based, shallow highs and deep crashes. When sex addiction is approached carefully and realistically, dealing with reality becomes far more rewarding than escaping into fantasy. Anyone acting sexually addictive today can overcome their addiction once they approach it correctly.

For more information on overcoming sexual addiction, correctly visit: SexualControl.com Joe overcame his own sex addiction in 1982. Since 1983 he has been helping people overcome sexual addiction problems such as pornography addiction, masturbation addiction, infidelity, fetishes, etc. Joe Zychik is the author of “The Most Personal Addiction: how I overcame sex addiction and how anyone can.”

Have you ever asked yourself this question? Why do my partners have different faces, but the same personality or characteristics? Do your relationships seem to end the same way- in disappointment and frustration? What starts out with wine and roses and seems to be everything you could ever want, soon wilts- and you can�t wait to get away. In my practice as a family law attorney over the last 15 years I have noticed a pattern in countless clients of �repeating bad relationships�. They seem to have a string of similar partners, but don�t understand what is behind their choices. This pattern of making �poor choices� in partners crosses all socio-economic levels from wealthy to poor, and limited education to highly educated individuals. There is no similarity apparent in the economic status of these individuals. I have seen those who earn $285,000 a year, to $30,000 a year, experience the same repeated troubles in their relationships. There is no respect shown to status, income level, or education of these individuals. Wealthy, educated and successful women and men both suffer from troublesome relationships. It is not a matter of intelligence or the number of degrees a person acquires, making them a candidate for such a relationship. Professionals, such as, doctors, lawyers, teachers, school principals, etc. suffer in the same manner in relationships that cause them pain and disappointment as though who have not completed their high school education.

Although your education level does not prevent you from becoming involved in a bad relationship, education about yourself and the dynamics of bad relationships can, and will, open your eyes and make a huge difference in the future of your relationships choices. Once you learn to recognize a �pattern� in the personality types you choose, your eyes will be sensitized to immediately see a RED FLAG of warning go up, reminding you to take guard or take flight.

When you ask yourself, -�Why does this happen to me?� The answer is complex. We attach ourselves to others for many different reasons, some are:

1) Rescue mode: We think we can save them from the world or from themselves. This is especially true of co-dependent personalities that thrive on feeling needed by another. This is an unhealthy beginning for a relationship.

2) Repeat of past, �UNFIXED� relationships: More often than not, we attach to someone similar to a parent or significant person in our lives with whom we had, or continue to have, an unresolved conflict. We try to resolve a past conflict through a present relationship. If it feels like you�ve �known them all your life�, it may not be a good thing, especially when there was conflict in your prior familial relationships.

A learned psycho-therapist friend said we need to say �Goodbye� to our past unresolved relationship(s), and actually go through the process of mourning for the unfulfilled relationship, and through the steps of grieving to include anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance etc.. Ultimately, we have to bury the past �bad� relationship once and for all and acknowledge that the past relationship cannot be fixed. Then, we�ll be more capable of finding a healthier, �future� mate.

3) Romantic impulsivity: We get caught up in the moment without any forethought. A weekend in Las Vegas where a marriage results, a cruise where everything is utopia, an affair (often partners of an affair become transitional relationships that last throughout a divorce period as well). Impulsivity relationships often end as quickly as they start. Next time the wind changes the relationship may not seem as good. While you are dating a prospective partner, give yourself time to go through the seasons of the year to see the true personality of a person before marrying them.

4) Transitional relationships: We find ourselves in a bad situation or a bad relationship and become attached to a person that listens and renders aid and comfort during a hard time we are going through- (note- they are actually acting in rescue mode for you- see above), transitional relationships typically DON�T last, but they serve a valuable purpose. I encourage my clients NOT to marry their transitional relationships because they set themselves up for more heartache. Sometimes the �transition� is from our original home environment with our parents- to living on our own for the first time, and away from the controls of parents.

5) Duress: This can be true in arranged marriages. Plus, any other union where one partner is compelled into the relationship by a family member or other outside forces, pregnancy, or other economic or financial issues, etc..

6) Resolving consequences of prior decisions: This plays out when pregnancy or other decisions compel the parties into a relationship that they would otherwise not have logically chosen when they were thinking clearly or sober. Suffice it to say, relationships that start because of stress or because �the doctor tells you you�re in love�, start out on a rocky foundation that is difficult to overcome and maintain. Can they survive? Absolutely, if the attraction and continuing respect levels are strong enough.

7) Desperation: The time clock of one or both partners is running out so they jump into a relationship. Loneliness can be a compelling factor driving someone into an unfulfilled relationship, believing �any� partner is better, than none.

Security: In this situation one party, or both, choose the other because of financial security or other factors of security other than LOVE (similar to duress or desperation above, depending on how needy the circumstances are). It can play out in situations where a younger person, who is insecure, or fearful of their personal security seeks out a �father-like� of �mother-like� figure to take care of them and make them feel secure, and is not based upon genuine attraction or love.

9) LOVE: Genuine feelings of full acceptance and trust of the other party. There is no agenda other than the companionship and mutual enjoyment of one another. Open vulnerability, and full healthy, non-combative verbal communication. Congratulations, if you are together for the right reasons!! Your relationship has the greatest chance of lasting.

*You may have combined one or more reasons from the list all of which may be the �wrong� reasons. You may also end up in a relationship that wasn�t as much �Your choosing� as it was another �choosing you�. In Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship, it describes how certain toxic personalities seek partners that �feed their ego� and �make them look good�. They are attracted to persons that are positive, rather than critical, of their behavior. Their partner must be impressionable, gullible, or otherwise easy to dominate or control with minimal effort or coercion. They seek out someone who respects their advice and opinions and has a malleable opinion rather than a firm, bull-headedness. They see confrontation or bull-headedness in a person as disrespect, and such a person is immediately expendable to them. An independent spirit threatens their dominance in the relationship. They want someone they can trust, although trust is foreign and generally lacking in them. Overall niceness will attract the devotion of this personality type. They want a �giver�, but are simply not capable of giving back to their partner so they won�t connect with a needy personality type. Toxic persons want everything to revolve around their needs and not the reverse. They are too consumed with taking from the relationship (to fill the empty void they feel inside) to be bothered with giving. They seek out a partner with one of two personality types:

Type #1. He/she came from a home environment which had high conflict, alcoholism, abuse, or other dysfunctional behaviors and this relationship feels �familiar�. She/he may have a learned pattern of co-dependency which has kept her or him in this type of otherwise painful, destructive relationship. They may be co-dependent and have attachment modes of at least #1 and #2 above. Co-dependent personalities are familiar with serving and giving and doing for others and are a natural link-up with a toxic or narcissistic personality.

Type #2. He/she came from a home environment that was safe, supportive, and nurturing where they felt loved and appreciated. Therefore, they do not have any pre-conceived notions of a �toxic� personality type. They simply cannot see them for what they are. They have never experienced such a personality type. They are ill-equipped to deal with such a personality type and become overwhelmed and frustrated at their inability to re-create the type of home environment they were raised in. They trust fully, and give great deference to their partners. It is that trusting nature that is so attractive to a toxic personality, and why they are so easily stripped of power in these relationships.

This latter type of non-toxic personality is broad-sided and wakes up from they thought was a dream only to realize it wasn’t a dream at all, but a living nightmare. It is at that point they want out of the relationship to find the peace they knew from their childhood. They desire to find a relationship where each partner mutually gives 100% to the relationship and each other like they experienced in their childhood environment.

The co-dependent Type #1 personality seems to stay longer in a dysfunctional relationship because they have never known anything better.

Once you have evaluated which category your attachment mode falls under and which personality type you may have, you will be better able to evaluate your present and past relationships so as not to make similar mistakes. You may need more instruction and self-analysis before jumping into another relationship. Some people search their whole life to find a healthy, nurturing relationship. If you are ultimately able to succeed in this goal, it will have been worth the search. There is nothing as fulfilling, completing, or rewarding as finding such a partner.

Kimberly J. Brasher, BS, JD http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Kimberly_J._Brasher Kimberly J. Brasher has been a family law attorney for 15 years and has written the original book on Toxic Relationships, called, Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationships. In this book she describes: 1) What a Toxic Relationship is and the dynamics and controls of an abusive, toxic relationship, 2) How people become toxic, 3) What to do should you find yourself in a Toxic Relationship including an Empowerment section. More information at http://www.ToxicRelationshipsBook.com

My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices, and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many ‘tricks-of-the-trade’ when it comes to coming.

In this article I’ll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually, can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman). If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general.

I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner’s, sexual experiences.

THE TRICKS TO LASTING LONGER

1. Relax and increase your body awareness

There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to ‘feel’ your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, meditation and breathing techniques.

Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it.

Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as “sensate focus exercises” which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex ‘coach’.

2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.

Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a ‘plan’ robs you of any ability to be open minded.

You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look.

Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.

3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.

Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery.

Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.

4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.

There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable.

This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally.

Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.

5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.

As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to ‘play’ with it.

Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them.

Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people’s experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.

6. Become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.

Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand.

Let the arousal continue as if it didn’t need to end ever. It will of course, but you don’t care when … just let it happen.

7. Stop thinking

Drop your conscious mind out of the picture. Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up.

Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it … but in your body. Feel it!

THE KEY is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings.

Here’s a bonus tricky tip for you. It’s also the most important one.

8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.

By the way, if some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it’s because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops.

I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure. http://www.articlewheel.com/ Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in Phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, North America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand.
Visit http://www.erectilejaculation.com to download free audio files or purchase her e-book on overcoming premature ejaculation.